I hate being the odd man out. Say something.

我讨厌成为不合群的怪咖说点什么
I don't always wear my seatbelt. But, whatever. I don't care.

我不系安全带但我不在乎
Yes, you do, you liar.

你在乎你个骗子
"Burn in hell, you sad, desperate, skank."

下地狱吧你个可悲的绝望的贱人
- Texting your mom? - Yeah.

-给你妈发短信呢 -是的
But I'm also gonna cut and paste it

但是我也会把它复制粘贴
to whoever wrote this nasty yelp review about Krazy Kakes.

发给那些给疯狂蛋糕店恶评的人
- Yelp, huh? What do they say on there about Gray's Pub? - No.

-他们是怎么评价格雷酒吧的 -别问
If the internet has taught me one thing,

互联网教我的是
it's that you don't read your own reviews.

不要读你自己的评论
Also, don't google your name with the safe search off.

不要关掉安全搜索功能谷歌自己
I once got drunk and gave this interview to V imagazine

有一次我喝多了接受了《V》杂志的采访