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I couldn't be prouder. Honestly.
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Life handed you a bucket of rags
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and a host of communicable diseases,
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and you made the best of it.
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All I saw today was a smiling, happy slopmaster
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embracing his station in life with great joy and humility.
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And for that, I present you with...
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A cupcake from Mitchell the Baker.
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It does have sugar in it.
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Don't tell anyone.
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Mom, there's something I need to say.
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You don't have to say anything.