Well well, if it isn't everything that's wrong with the current economy,

唉居然有人穿小男孩的低领毛衣
in a boys' v-neck sweater.

世界经济的萧条可见一斑呀
Oh, what do you think you are doing?

哎呀你这是在干嘛呢
Oh, just putting straws in the container...

把吸管放进罐子里啊
in case, uh...

以防...
Just in case a woman might suddenly need a straw

以防有女士突然需要个吸管
and not have 75 cents.

又碰巧没有75分钱
Those are not straws.

那些不是吸管
They do not belong in public.

它们不应该出现在公共场合
Didn't your mother ever teach you

你母亲难道没教你
that is secret, no-no private lady thing?

那是女性不能说的秘密吗
You can't even say the name.

你连那个词都不敢说