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Our more-than-willing staff is ready to provide for your every need
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through our wide variety of custom tans.
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The grandee tan, the ultra-dark tan,
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the barely legal tan, the facial tan.
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And my personal favorite, the menage tan.
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We even offer our own brand of patented tanning pleasure oils
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that our female associates are trained to apply.
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We love King Dwayne.
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Come on down to Major Tan where we're proud to be a family business.
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That's what she said.