This psycho locked me in the closet

这个变态把我锁在衣柜里
and tied my hands.

还捆了我的手
Whoa. Don't push me!

敢推我
- Oh! Oh! - O-okay. Stop. Stop.

-噢噢 -好了好了住手快住手
Normally I'd be thrilled to have two gals fighting in my house.

通常情况下两个女性在我家里掐架我还是很激动的
Most of my cul-de-sac fan fiction starts like this.

我读的大多数"小小说"就是这么开场的
Well, no one gets hog-tied and thrown in the closet, right?

没人手脚被困丢进衣柜对吧
I should never read that stuff, should I?

我永远都不要读那玩意对吧
No.

是不要读
We were just worried about you.

我们只是担心你
And Jessica was so into you so quickly that--

杰西卡那么快地迷上你
Right, 'cause a-a woman could never feel that way about me.

对因为从未有女人那样爱过我