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Because the country is divided into people who like sex
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and people who are utterly creeped out by it.
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I'm one of the sex people.
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And I'm sure we're in the majority
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and I'm getting tired of
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having to make a public bow to the minority
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by pretending I'm not really into sex.
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You need to switch to vodka.
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It's not as easy to smell
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and you're wearing the same clothes as you were yesterday.
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You think I'm drunk right now?
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Last night. Most nights.