Guilty as changed.

以"昌"代"成"
When he talks, he over and underemphasizes words

他说话时颠三倒四
seemingly at random.

遣词造句毫无章法
When he eats, he holds his fork

他吃饭时总是扬起手中的叉子
like a murderer's knife,

好似杀人凶手紧握屠刀
Gnawing at its skewered payload like a deranged woodland rodent.

总是啃烤串的竹签好似林间精神错乱的啮齿动物
Bring it home!

注意听重点
We know he smells like band-aids.

我们知道他闻起来活像创可贴
We know he dresses like a Cuban cab driver.

我们知道他的穿衣品味堪比古巴出租司机
We know he exhibits, nay, flaunts proudly

我们知道他总是虚荣爱现不耀武扬威才对
Obvious symptoms of over half a dozen disorders

身被超过半打的精神失调症候
You wouldn't wish on your worst enemy's pets.

连仇敌的走狗罹患这些你都会心有不忍