Max, I just found something very upsetting on my phone.

麦克斯我在手机上发现非常糟心的东西
Another free U2 album?

苹果又硬要送U2乐团的专辑了吗
Worse.

更惨
And worse than an e-vite to a friend's improv show.

比受邀请去看朋友的即兴剧团演出还惨
It's an e-mail from the managing director

我收到一封电邮
of all The High restaurants saying he's seen our sales

是管理"嗨翻天"所有门店的总经理发的
and is disappointed with my performance.

他说对我们的业绩与表现很不满
Duh-lete...

切删了
like I do with all the "disappointed in your performance" texts

那些男人在炮后发给我的"不性福"短信
I get from guys after sex.

我也都是直接删掉啊
Sorry, gents!

男士们抱歉
My boobs makes a promise

我的胸器许下了