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Ah, but let me reveal the fortune inside this cookie.
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Family net worth: $8 million.
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Ladies and gentlemen, this is what we
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in the community college recruiting game call a "whale."
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The perfect mix of low intellect,
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high lack of ambition, and limitless parental support.
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So, a rich dumb-dumb who will never graduate
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and keep dropping money into the school indefinitely.
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Got it.
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Is there really that much money in this, dean,
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Or is it like that endorsement deal
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you made with Let's Potato Chips?