l can't believe how things are working out here.

我不能相信事情该怎么发生的

That's crazy stuff. Hard to keep track of it all, l bet.

那是疯狂的东西 很难弄清楚 我打赌

Who am I kidding? Our business is in worse shape

我骗谁啊 我们生意的状态

Well, you know what we'd better fix?

你知道我们更应该拯救什么吗

at a charity event on Lake Tahoe.

是在太浩湖的慈善活动上呢

So that's my plan, and hopefully,

反正我是那么计划的啦

I was playing tennis at the club,

我在俱乐部打网球来着

he threw it back to me,

他把球扔还给我了

when your husband finally leaves you for the girl

你老公早晚要甩了你

Yeah, we all know what's been going on there.

大家都知道他俩干过什么

I got a better horoscope from The Onion actually:

我在《洋葱报》上看到的星座运程更妙

you'll be tackled by two police officers this week

否则本周你会被两名警官逮捕